Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
