the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
