do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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