I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
