i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
