If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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