I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
