Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
