I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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