drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
