Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
