i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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