Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
