My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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