i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
