I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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