Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
