i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
