i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish you could order shots online.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
