Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
