im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
