I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
