And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
