He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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