How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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