quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
