I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize