sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
