Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
