I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
