i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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