I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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