It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just googled if crying burns calories
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
