i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
