Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
