i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
