we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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