So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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