Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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