i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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