I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
