he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
