I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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