We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
