So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize