Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
