I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize