I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
