so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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