why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
