K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
