Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
