A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
