I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize