I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you would pick up someone in the library
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
