I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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