these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
