Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Are my feet made of real feet?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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