i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
