so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
