Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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