Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
