just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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