My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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