I wish my penis had an off switch
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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