Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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