You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
