I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
