Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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