but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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