and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
