you guys were way drunker than both of me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
