My first STD was from a foam party
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
