I seem to have left my pride at pride
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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