I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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