You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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