I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
