Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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