it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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