I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
