Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
