dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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