got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
