Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
