I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
