I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
