Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
