i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
