another moral hangover. fuck.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
