Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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