That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
