I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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