What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
