I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
