yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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