take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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