we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
