I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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