I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
